Emotional Roller Coaster

Ah. This whole pregnancy has been an emotional roller coaster. I spot every couple weeks. I spotted at 14.5 weeks & they had me come in for an ultrasound/cervical check.

I spotted this past weekend & decided not to be worried about it. We had just had an ultrasound on Thursday & I'm on blood thinners. My cervix had been fine just a few days before. Poor Weston is always so worried about his little baby & calls every time I spot, which is good, I appreciate that he cares so much.

My biggest fear is to lose this little baby girl. I've been hanging on a limb just making sure that she makes it inside of me until 24 weeks as a minimum. I hear that's when it's a higher viability rate.

I've been really good at having calm nerves about the spotting & cramping & I try my best not to think about it too much. but w/ the uterus malformation that I have I'm at an increased risk of second trimester miscarriage. I'm sorry, but that is not a miscarriage that is a LIVE baby in there.  I've seen her fingers & toes.  They're perfect.

Last night was awful. Weston got home from his hospital shift in the labor & delivery ward at about 1a.m. I was sleeping. I woke up at 3a.m. with horrible horrible cramping. I started getting worried, but wasn't bleeding at alll. Weston had fallen asleep on the couch eating a snack. I woke him up & he got me some Tylenol & we both went back to work. When I woke up this morning I hadn't bled at all either. Success. This morning at work, I did, though. Ah. My heart dropped & I called the nurse right away. They want me to come in for another heartbeat check & cervix check. 

Prayers would be appreciated, I'm sure all is fine, but I am really anxious.

This has been such a wonderful experience, but there have been a lot of scares.

I usually don't write about this heavy stuff we've experienced, but I just want it documented for me to look back on & remember.