3.25.2009

Soph Slums

Here I am on my 3rd hour of 5 on my Wednesday night class-span. Yeah, so can I say worst idea ever for me, a girl with the attention span of a goldfish, to sign up for 5 hrs straight of just 2 separate classes. Bad call, but I've learned my lesson, so I'll scrape by and not do it again! While I've been sitting here half listening to my professor talking about his buffet he went to this afternoon that isn't settling, I've pondered the conversation Syd and I had the other day on the way to campus. We often talk about life goals and what we want to do with our post-Provo days. I came to the realization that I want to be a conversationalist for a living. The only problem with that is it cannot support me in the U.S. and strangely, there is no conversationalist major at BYU. How come the world doesn't have monetary value for things like that? How come I can't survive off being a good listener? My entire life I have enjoyed listening to people's stories and life experiences. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it. That's a talent, right? Some other people have talents like...brains. Yeah, I don't have that one. I realized in middle school that my elementary years of scholarly excellence had passed. As my peers began to exponentially pass me, I realized I needed to find my nitch in life. I am currently enrolled at BYU and can now recognize my place on the brains totem pole. At BYU I lay in the bottom left corner of the density curve. I recognize that it takes a few "me's" to make the people in the tiny right corner actually be in the right corner. I am okay with that! I'm glad I can help! It is just a bummer that things like being a really happy person, or extremely HILARIOUS, a good listener or intuitioin don't get recognized enough for financial support. In order to go work in health care or even just to care for people, I have to have extreme brains to get extreme grades (at BYU) to do what I want with my life. Most people are invigorated through getting good grades, doing well on a test. Well folks, this is coming from a student who has not exited the BYU testing center with a single A (regardless of the endless hours of studying and homework to prepare), not everyone thrives off of good grades. Granted, I'm sure that if i could get them, I too, would thrive off of grades. I just do not have the extreme scholarly potential that the majority of BYU students do. I have accepted that. I find joy in working, responsibilities, fun little service projects and giving hugs. I enjoy giving and receiving hugs from anyone and everyone! I'm a very huggy girl. I like things like that. It was always so funny to me, more towards the end of high school (when my perspective had pretty much doubled from that which it had ever been), when I would hear people only talking about school or crying about B score they recieved on a test (sawweeeey syd :D). I just wanted to shake their shoulders and say, "Come on now, that is no rason to cry, there are other good things in life aside from good grades!" I know that advice like that isn't readily accepted though. I value things of less 'prestige' than most. In life I have always had the internal battle of feeling 'mundane' or 'boring'. I struggled to find my self-confidence, because i had what appeared to be nothing cool about me. I understand now, and still sometimes I struggle with, the fact that I do have cool things about me, they are just not external. My talents can't be seen. Yet, I love them just the same and develop them. Thank goodness I was blessed with some bit of persistance. It's getting me through college. :)
It's what has kept my nose above the water at BYU. Welp, just some food for thought. Sidenote: Despite what I've written in this post. I am very appreciative for my opportunity to be at BYU and I have loved it so far! I am appreciative that my parents are able and do pay my tuiton each semester. I know I was accepted to BYU for a reason (not being grades haha). I know this is where I am supposed to be. I have learned a lot of life lessons in and out of class and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. (I do have a problem with religion classes...they're really hard...I hope they're not grading spirituality, because if my religion classes reflected my spirituality I'd be a son of perdition! hah) xoxo

10 comments:

  1. i loved this & you stole the words right out of my mouth! I feel the same way... how did dad & spence snatch all the brains. Totally unfair. I can't WAIT to graduate & be in the real world. I'm not good at tests & that will hurt you in college.
    You're always a kool kat to me :)

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  2. Rachel! I adore you! Thank you for writing this, I have similar feelings most of the time. You just gave me the motivation I need to finish this political science paper. :)

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  3. thats a great post rachel!! and actually, i think there are some great jobs where listening and being happy and hilarious are really important talents--i listened to people all day long when i was still doing hair! and let me tell you --carrying on conversations with strangers one on one all day long can be very tiring :)...but you should definitely finish college, don't be a rebel like me :) maybe you could like--be a therapist? either way i very much enjoyed this post. hmm you and syd should come see me soon!

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  4. Rachel...actually your post makes me kinda sad. You ARE really smart! Book smart is not EVERYTHING! (and by the way you have some of that too...you wouldn't be at BYU if you didn't!) You are also way cooler than you think and always have been...You are doing what everyone tends to do...to compare your worst (which only you know) to everyone else's best! Plus you are surrounded by the CREAM OF THE CROP and don't forget you are ONE OF THOSE in the crop! I LOVE you!!!!!

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  5. I know I'm smart, that's what I was saying, just not book smart...whiiiiich at this point in my life is mega important, but I'm not beating up myself, just kinda wondering what I'm doing at BYU is all

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  6. I love you Rach! :)

    ...and just for the record, i cried over that B in 7th grade.....SEVENTH.
    haha

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  7. oh rach, i loved this! i love how you are so good at expressing yourself and saying what you mean! that is a real talent - even more important than brains! i am SOO SOO SOOO glad you are at byu :) who else would i pazookatize with?! love ya!

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  8. YO. it's called being a reporter, you know, like barbara walters. or katie couric. or diane sawyer. people love watching hot blondes, like you, get the goods on murderers and actors and sports phenoms.

    send me some royalties when you get famous.

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  9. everyone's right, i've always admired you for your common sense, you just know what's up, and you are the best listener and friend that i have ever known. i mean that. i hope the advisement center gets you in soon, there's so many options for you out there. have you thought about recreation therapy? em and kort are doing it and they love it! its all about helping people, making them feel good, and doing everything rachel does best. just a thought, hopefully i'll talk with you soon. you're a babe.

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  10. Wow! You should be a writer! You really have a knack for expressing yourself.

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