Growing my little bean to 13 weeks.

 

Because of my history with blood clots & with my anatomical issue of the uterine/cervix septum, the pregnancy is high-risk.

Which, meant I got to go get an ultrasound at 6 weeks. This was so wonderful.

I was subconsciously a complete ball of anxiety & I couldn't sleep at all the night before the ultrasound.

If you know me, you know this is not normal. I am a sleeping professional.

The anxiety didn't necessarily come from me thinking there wouldn't be a heartbeat. Though that was on my mind. I also thought this was probably all one giant mistake & there probably wasn't really a baby in there.

My number one fear was that the baby would be implanted on the uterine septum. 

Which is a big issue.

Aka the baby will NOT survive.

 I asked the tech 100 times over if it was implanted on the septum & she said no...Oh my goodness.

Best news ever.

Then, there it was, the most perfect little ball of cells I'd ever seen.

Our baby had a heartbeat. And we got to hear it.

I honestly thought this is when it would REALLY be real.

Nope, I still left all nervous.  I don't know what my deal was.

As though the complete exhaustion, constant nausea, & constipation weren't constant proof enough.

It just really didn't sink in. I don't know how it sinks in for people, really. I mean, I'm now 3 months & I think it just sunk in. JUST.

It may be, because I wasn't talking about it openly or screaming it from rooftops.

Or because it was something we'd tried for & been wanting for over 2 years.

Or maybe it's just normal for it to take a long time to feel like it's all real.

I'm not really sure what it was, but it didn't sink in!

We went in for our 8 week appointment w/ my doctor & it was a whirlwind. 

He called me back the next day with tons of information.

The perinatologists (specialized maternal-fetal medicine obgyns) I'm going to also be seeing throughout the pregnancy. He also told me that my favorite drug. Lovenox. Is coming back into my life.

This is the shot I had to do twice a day for a month in my stomach after my blood clot back on December 1st That was the longest week of my life. Maybe because I had to lay flat on my back. Or maybe it was because I was nauseous 24/7 from the Lovenox. Or maybe it was because I was dehydrated & had to go get my blood drawn every day for a few weeks equaling about 5 needle pokes & lots more digging to find veins.

That was my memory of Lovenox...no, please!

But yep, I get Lovenox again. This time it's prophylactic.  Pregnancy ups the chances of blood clots. And since apparently I'm prone, they're taking precautionary measures to thin out that blood.

 SO, I get to do a Lovenox shot in my stomach every night. Weston would always do my shots because he likes medical stuff.  The first week I just wanted to cry. That stuff burns. Then I had to start doing it because Weston is away for days at a time all summer doing clinicals at fire departments & hospitals. Aka I'm home alone & get to stick myself!

I've got it down now & I've really gotten used to it. Thank goodness. It was going to be a terrible 8 more months with that being painful every time.

At yesterday's appointment it was funny because the doctor pulled out the Doppler machine & said "Okay, there's the bellybutton...there's the Lovenox..hahahah my stomach has red/purple needle dots all over it & it's black & blue around all those marks. 

Who knew needle holes take so long to heal, I have at least 10 showing at all times!

I've been so happy that all the pregnancy sickness has seemed so insignificant, though it's made work significantly more miserable. Some days I don't even smile at patients.

"What's your birthday? K, what's your last name? K, what do you need to see a doctor for?" This person better talk faster so I can run to puke in the bathroom AFTER their call & not in the middle of talking to them.

I've felt really sick at various times with some different things, but it's getting better, maybe because I've found treatments that work better than others! But hallelujah today I haven't gagged or thrown up at all so far. No matter how this day ends, it's already a success!

We are so so happy!

We're part of a study called NuMom2Be that's put on by the NIH.  We got to get an extra ultrasound around 10 weeks. It was AWESOME & so good to see our little bean flourishing!

It looked like this then:

It was just a little frog at that point! This picture wasn't of the clearest view, but you get the idea!

Yesterday we had another appointment w/ our OB & he said we don't do an ultrasound that day but they do use the doppler to hear the heartbeat! I was so excited! Weston had been so nervous leading up to the appointment.

I did not know why he was nervous & told him to chillax, it'll all be good!

The doctor pulled out the Doppler & couldn't find the heartbeat  he pushed harder & in all directions & still couldn't find it. My heart was sinking. Seriously, I haven't had fear of miscarriage the past couple weeks & was feeling good about everything. My heart just sank. My eyes started welling up & wanted to grab is scrubs & say "FIND THAT HEARTBEAT!"

But he beat me to it, "Uh...looks like I was kidding, we ARE going to do an ultrasound today."

He went & got the machine & wheeled it in. 

Longest 30 seconds of my life.

I was just waiting for the horrible news. He puts it on my belly & there's the little baby's bubble of fluid.

He narrows in on it and sure enough there is our baby's profile. The cutest little baby I've ever seen. Even though their head is still ginormous. Then all of a sudden the baby was gone he said "Whoa, that wasn't me, that was the baby! He's doing flips." (No, we don't know the gender, Weston & the doctor kept referring to the baby as a he.)

Then all of a sudden the tiniest little leg kicked & then the arm punched and then the baby flipped again.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is when it felt real.

Weston was jumping out of his skin excited.

He was jumping up & down w/ excitement!

The baby is flipping & punching & kicking inside of there. Which totally caught me by surprise, because I can't feel a thing, but oh my goodness. It was amazing.

 The baby is measuring back at 12.5 weeks, so that's where we're at now (it was a little ahead of schedule based on size at the last visit).

I can't believe something so small (the size of a peach) can be moving so much! Our baby is just bigger than Weston's big toe (he has a big big toe) & it's flipping & moving around like Free Willie!

It was the best day!

Then we went & used a voucher we had for Sub-Zero & the day went down a couple notches, Weston & I were both sick from that! I haven't had that fatty of dairy in a long time, it tasted good, but we had serious stomach aches after!

If you're curious about my cravings they've all been for savory foods.

I can only have my Cafe Rio salad on the first day.

The other half of the salad goes to Weston, the leftovers smell makes me gag.

I can finally eat vegetables again.

My first throw up item was a green smoothie.

My mom said "Ew, those are gross before they even go down!"

I have also thrown up green beans. And then I got smart & have stayed away from vegetables that weren't in salad form for the past 8 weeks. 

I also don't take prenatals anymore. Only folic acid & Vitamin B-6.

Miralax is my best friend. And also makes me toss my cookies.

Fresca is my other best friend.

(catching the trend?)

It's so awesome to have constant reminders that there's a little human growing in there!!

I'm not sure if you were able to read through all of this info, but folks, if you can't tell. I'm so so very happy.

I will also post belly pics soon! It's very subtle & mostly just bloating, I'm sure, so once I'm definite it's not just a food baby, I'll put some up!

I know I haven't mentioned Weston much in these posts, I've basically been exploding my thoughts & feelings out there, but he's totally awesome.

He's great & going to be a great dad! He's as excited about this baby as I am.

I just hope the baby isn't the same size he was when it's born...